The Secret to Being Attractive and Happy

Today’s post is one in a series where we are asking ourselves, “If you had to attract your man from scratch, what would you be doing differently?” In a previous post (Want to Be More Attractive to Him? Engage in His Interests) we discoverd why a man is most attracted to a woman who engages in his interests. Today’s question is…

“If you had to attract your man from scratch, would you be more kind?

Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 13:4 that love is kind. In the original language this word does not mean simply being nice, it emphasizes extending good to others through services of kindness. Here kindness is the work of love.

Experience tells us that we are all attracted to people who reach out to us in kindness. In a world filled with individuals seeking to be accepted and welcomed, it is amazing how rare it is to find people whose greatest pleasure in life is to extend kindness in secret and have it discovered by accident. Isn’t this the person who gets a wholehearted welcome into all of our tribes? Can you really have too many good Samaritans in your life?

There is also a flip-side of the kindness coin. Benjamin Franklin once said, “When you are good to others, you are best to yourself.” It turns out he’s right! Recent brain imaging studies were conducted to compare happy and unhappy people (including individuals in mild states of depression) and the results are in. People who enjoy performing unselfish acts of kindness are also the happiest folks around.

Researchers at California University, Riverside and Duke University Medical Center recently combined their efforts to discover the benefits of positive activity intervention (PAI) to alleviate depression and boost overall feelings of wellbeing. Using functional MRI machines to measure results, volunteers were asked to perform acts of kindness, count their blessings, write letters of gratitude, practice optimism and reflect on positive feelings towards others. Lead researcher Kristen Layous says that none of this is new. Humans have been performing acts of kindness and expressing gratitude for years. “What’s new,” says Layous “is the scientific rigor that researchers have applied to measuring benefits and understanding why they work.”

According to these researchers it is clear that we underestimate the long-term impact on our overall well-being of practicing brief, acts of kindness for those around us. If you want to get out of a funk, go do nice things for other people.

So kindness a win-win; not only will you be more attractive to that man of yours but you will also get a feel-good boost of happiness for your trouble. What’s more – kindness is easily implemented and it costs you little or nothing… unless of course you consider the cost of laying down your own selfishness a price too high to pay.


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