Cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, allspice, ginger… nothing says FALL & WINTER quite like these spices. I have to admit I’m a sucker for pumpkin spice lattes, spiced caramel cider and the red cups this time of year. There is just something about the scent of these spices that for me, evokes images of romance—jean jackets, cowl necks, cozy fireplaces, and long walks in vivid colors.
When Jim and I first fell in love, it was common for us to take long, romantic walks in a nearby park. Hand-in-hand, arm-in-arm over countless ankle-deep footsteps in fallen leaves we’d talk about nothing and everything. I’m pretty sure I fell in love with Jim in a park. He even proposed to me in a park in Tulsa which we recently revisited and located the exact “I do” spot.
If you know my story then you already know the powerful love which marked the start of our relationship ultimately faded. Eventually, God stepped in and introduced me to a 3,000 year-old woman who became my love coach. Her name is Shulammite and she is the central character and narrator of the Song of Solomon. In my new book, Dare to Love a Man (released late November 2015) I share how Shulammite helps women fall in love, stay in love and even save a failing marriage like mine was.
One of the most important things I learned about love from Shulammite’s story is that love cycles through different seasons. No matter what season of love you find yourself in now, you can always usher in a new season of love. Here’s the secret. A new season of love always begins with attraction.
It’s a simple idea really, yet so easily forgotten especially after marriage or if you’ve been single for a while. If you want to fall in love (or prepare for love if you’re single), then focus on two things concerning attraction:
- First, what do I need to stop doing? What’s bogging down your attraction? Think of it like rebooting a computer. You reboot your computer because the system bogs down and starts going haywire. By pressing the restart button, your computer resets all of its connections for a clean, fresh startup.
Take an honest assessment of all those places where you feel distracted, annoyed, upset, unforgiving, anxious, lazy, distant, unhealthy, or otherwise feeling funky. Then simply looked them straight in the eye and pushed the reset button. Gone. Then move forward with a clean slate.
The most attractive women I know are masters at overcoming pride and soothing themselves through life’s tuff spots so she can stay in a good mood. If you’re married and you have issues between the two of you (and who doesn’t?) you won’t solve them on opposite sides anyway. So focus on building love first and then address the issues from a better perspective. Cut those unhealthy processes off cold turkey so you can be the exquisite beauty God intended.
- Next, return to your loveliest self. Smile, laugh, be friendly and polite, be affectionate, be supportive, and let your joy shimmer into the lives of those around you. Women who are friendly and in a good mood are magnetic—we all know it. Every single man I know wants the woman like this in his life.
So in this season of falling leaves and fragrant spices, why not spice up your little corner of the world by focusing on attraction?