The Fourth of July may be over but do the fireworks in your marriage have to fizzle out too?
Many years ago Jim and I were on the threshold of divorce. The primary reason we landed there was because I foolishly put the responsibility on his shoulders to keep my love alive for him. I focused on everything negative – his mistakes, shortcomings and faults. Eventually, the negativity grew to eclipse everything good about him. The good in Jim was still there, I just couldn’t see it anymore. As my love inevitably faded… I blamed him!
Only you can keep the fire burning in your own heart for him. Without realizing it I made it Jim’s job to keep love alive in both our hearts. It wasn’t until I began taking full responsibility for keeping the flames of love burning in my own heart for Jim that God blessed truly blessed our marriage. I nearly punted what has deepened into the most beautiful love affair with the man I dearly love.
Your love follows the direction of whatever preoccupies your thoughts. Take responsibility for your own focus. I once challenged a woman I was mentoring about her negativity towards her husband. I suggested that her negativity towards him was fueling his resentment toward her. She told me her thoughts were her own and that he had no idea how she felt. So I took out a piece of paper and made a quick list of a few actions and behaviors of a woman in love…
• she longs for him and is often caught in her daydreams
• she greets him with a beaming smile
• she teases, laughs and flirts with him
• she lingers in her kisses and is responsive to his touch
• her words are sweet and affectionate towards him
• her heart is brimming with love so she is patient and not easily offended
• she overcomes offenses easily, doesn’t hold grudges and forgives freely
• when speaking of him to others her words are kind and filled with admiration
I showed her the list. “Is this your behavior towards your husband?”
“Not even close.” She replied sadly.
“Believe me he knows. Being civil to your husband is not the same thing as being in love.”
What is in your heart spills out into words, attitudes and actions. A man always knows when he is being cherished in a woman’s heart. If you truly desire a great love in your marriage, then the occupation of your heart towards your husband must be love. Love is home base.
So how do you reignite and/or keep the fireworks from fizzling out? Love ignites and fizzles in your thoughts. So pay attention to what is dominating your thoughts for your man. Is it love and admiration? The contemplation of his kisses, his caresses, and the beauty of him as a person can set off an explosion of desire for him. Bring up mental pictures of past times as lovers and stimulate your own affections. You are a creature of the heart… which can be a very good thing. It means love and affection can expand in your heart even in his absence. Thinking of him and longing for him throughout your day transports your heart back to home base.
Yes, of course he has shortcomings and faults – then again so do you! Yet, you still expect him to keep his love alive for you regardless of your faults. Right?
It’s not about ignoring your problems. It’s about timing. If you haven’t built an atmosphere of love and affection in your heart towards your husband, then the timing to address your issues is simply wrong. Overcoming even the biggest problems in marriage is just easier in sanctuary of love. Drop the issues, build the atmosphere of love first and then track back and address issues. You may be surprised to find them gone or at least a willingness to address them.
Your man has a deep need to be the object of desire and admiration by one woman. Let that woman be you! If you’re not happy with the state of your love, then remember it’s your heart and your love. So take responsibility.
Have you taken full responsibility for your own heart?